Life Lately – On Loss And Grief.

Blogger cassie dave portrait picture wearing a vintage scarfThis year has been a really really long year. I would never have imagined a lot of the things that have happened happening, and in so many ways I am still dazed about it all.

It started with the onset of the coronavirus pandemic, and spiraled out of control from there. Almost as if whoever held the reins for the world dropped it whilst running around trying to fix the pandemic issue, unleashing even more horror into the world.

In a short time, I would mourn an aunt and her unborn child, an uncle, and a colleague – one who I loved fiercely, and had just made travel plans with. This was my first real experience with grief. 2020 was my first tangible experience with loss. 

I have lost people in the past : elderly grandparents and people I knew in passing, so I never quite got to feel the full weight of grief. But this year, oh how it has broken me. 

I remember hearing of the passing of my friend earlier in the year and just weeping. Screaming “omg” over and over again, till my voice was hoarse. I couldn’t stop the tears, I couldn’t control my face, and for once in my life I didn’t care that people could hear me crying. 

I felt like I was watching myself from outside of my body. Is this what they call an out of body experience? I spent the rest of the day laying listlessly on the couch, not caring that it was a work day. 

It’s been such a roller coaster year. There’s a story of loss everywhere I turn, I can’t escape it no matter how hard I try, and I fear I’m beginning to get used to it. My initial response of shock when I get the news hasn’t left me, followed closely by sadness and an overwhelming awareness of my own mortality. Then it fades away, and it’s back to life for me. 

Is there such a thing as getting sensitized to death? Or am I just tucking it all away without fully letting myself feel the full extent of my grief. I’m not sure but I fear that it’s the latter, and I worry about the day I’ll slow down enough to feel the weight of all the grief I’ve tucked into my being. I worry that I will finally come undone.

This year has drained us all, and quite frankly I am depleted. I don’t have any more emotional energy left for shock, horror, and grief, but the year is unrelenting in its fury.

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Author: Cassie Daves

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  • I still have not recovered from his death,
    A month before his death,
    Someone dear to me passed and i wanted to walk in front of a moving car just so i can stop breathing and it will stop hurting,
    I can’t even advice on what to do to help with grief and loss, i have no idea myself.

  • 2020 has made me tired.
    It has been a tough year filled with too much.
    Too many bad things.
    Honestly, it’s like we hit a new low every time.

    I don’t know anymore.

  • Joy feels sweet and worthwhile because we know that grief, sorrow, and loss, are intricate parts of our collective journey.

    The world tells us that time heals all wounds. But, like most things of the world, that’s not quite true. Time gives us an opportunity to look at our scars with perspective, not just pain.

    I’m praying that your gratefulness for the time you had with the people that you’re mourning, gives you the perspective that furthers your success and deepens your love for the universe!

  • 2020 has been a really tough year for a lot of people. I’m really sorry for the loss of your family members and your friend. I think the pain is always there but as time goes on, it’s less intense in general. There will be times that you’ll catch yourself just being in disbelief that this person is really no longer on this earth, but you’ll still keep moving forward.

    I pray for peace over you. That’s what I prayed when my uncle died and it caused me to be distraught. It didn’t make any sense, especially as a Christian so the only thing I could ask God for was His peace that passes understanding (sense).

  • I am so sorry for your loss Cassie. All of it. Saying grief is painful has to be the understatement of the century. It changes you, never completely leaves, but it does get lighter and lighter until you will come out the other end of it. I wish I could comfort you. Sending you warm hugs and prayers

  • I am so so sorry about your loss. The wildest part of grief is how completely lonely and personal it is, so yeah take your time. I also think it’s not completely linear. Perhaps, it’s in shifts and some days, you are okay but other days, you are not. And you know what? That’s absolutely fine. There is something about us humans, we are so resilient and can often adapt to the worst circumstances. Honestly, I’m not entirely sure this is a bad thing.

  • I lost an Uncle very dear to my heart this year, and I remembered weeping profusely without caring or minding who was present as at the time. I let everything all out without holding back. I felt so vulnerable bearing in mind, and knowing fully well that I would never gets chance to see him ever again. Death hits different when it’s someone you love.